


Quite a Head of Hair

by KillerQueen80



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 02:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6452335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen80/pseuds/KillerQueen80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine's baby is born to much fanfaire, mostly because of how much hair she has, but also because she's the first baby among the Glee clubbers, and well, everyone has an opinion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quite a Head of Hair

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was mostly based on this picture: http://black-john-lennon.tumblr.com/post/141765657545/klaines-baby-or-baby-blaine-someone-write-the of the baby with the headful of hair, and then it became it's own monster of a fic.

"As much as we'd thought mixing our semen together would help us keep Harper's paternity a mystery, it didn't work. There is no way in hell this kid is mine," Kurt says into the phone as he folds onesies in the nursery. 

"I'm glad you're able to admit this to yourself kid, because you were bald as a cue ball the day you were born, and by the time you were one, you were still sporting the peach fuzz and, well your little girl-" 

"She's got quite a head of hair. Rachel said she had heartburn a lot while she was pregnant, which means the baby has hair, but I was not expecting this. We didn't even consider the possibility. I'm going to have to watch some YouTube tutorials or something. There's not just a lot of hair, it's thick and wavy too." 

"Yeah, that's definitely not a Hummel trait, you have your Mom's hair-"

"Thank God," Kurt mumbles. 

"I heard that. Your Mom's hair was so bone straight, we used to argue about the amount of money she spent to get her hair to look like Brooke Shields." 

"One thing is for sure, we're gonna have to get a second bathroom just to store hair products at this rate." 

"I'm surprised you already don't have one considering the amount of crap you and Blaine use. And don't try to deny it, you may sing about it, but your hair does not defy gravity all on its own. You put just as much goop in it as Blaine does. It's just different goop." 

"Well aren't you hilarious this morning," Kurt says with a yawn. 

"And someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"See that's where you're wrong, you're assuming I actually got near my bed. I did however get two minutes of sleep in the shower." 

"Welcome to fatherhood, kid." 

Meanwhile, out on the balcony... 

"Oh Blainey, I got the picture, she looks just like you!" 

"Yeah, so much for the mystery of her paternity." 

"You had so much hair when you were born. Seriously, Cooper was jealous and tried to shave your head. Thank God I caught him. My grandbaby’s keeping up the family looks. Cooper takes after his Dad, but you? You are 100% me. And so is little Harper apparently. I can't wait to come see her!" 

"I think Kurt is disappointed, he won't say it, but he was really hoping to have at least a little hope she could be his. But she looks like me and Rachel." 

"Well you and Rachel make beautiful babies." 

"Oh God Mom, don't say it like that, you make it sound like Rachel and I, ugh gross."

Pam laughs. 

"How does she sleep?"

"I don't think she sleeps at all. She just cries." 

"Oh Blainey."

"Mom, are you crying?"

"Well, I'm just thinking back to when I had you. I was so overwhelmed. And you cried and cried and kept Cooper up and so I had a cranky, hormonal pre-teen and a colicky baby. I don't think I slept for months. But you were so beautiful with all that wavy hair and those big eyes. I just loved you so much and now you're a Daddy." 

"Mom, don't start or I'm gonna start. Last night, Kurt went to shower and I was trying to nap and she started crying and then I started crying. Is that normal?" 

"Yes baby, it's completely normal." 

Later that day, the Anderson-Hummel home is full of people all excited to meet the new addition to their family. 

"Okay, so Artie, Kitty, Unique and Sam all have their money on the baby looking like Kurt. Marley, Roderick, Mike, Tina, Jane and The Twins have their money on not knowing who's baby it is. Britt, Quinn and myself all have our money on the baby being a Berry/Kurt/Blaine hybrid demon with too much hair and the lungs of a demon. And Mercedes and Ryder think the baby was born with hair gel and a bowtie," Santana announces. 

"I'm pretty sure we said the baby would look like Blaine," Ryder corrects her. 

"That's what I said." 

Kurt comes into the living room with his squirmy newborn in his arms, Rachel, Jesse and Blaine in tow. He lays her down in the bassinet they brought into the living room for the occasion. As their friends crowd around to get a good look, the proud parents stand back as their friends are silent for the first time since they all got together in a choir room all those years ago. 

"I thought you guys mixed your sperm?" Ryder asks confused. 

"Oh my God, Blaine cheated on Kurt again and got Rachel pregnant," Tina whispers to Artie. 

"I was partially right, the baby is definitely a Berry and Blaine hybrid demon. I believe you all owe me a shit ton of cash." 

"Harper, Blaine is your father," Sam says in a spot on Darth Vader impression. 

"Is the baby wearing a wig? Don't be embarrassed to be bald. Your grandpa is bald," Brittany says.

“Okay, people, hush. Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, the baby is beautiful. And I am going to pick her up now,” Mercedes says reaching into the bassinet and picking the baby up, “Aren’t you adorable? Hi there cutie. You’re gonna have to beat the boys and girls off you with a stick, you’re so gorgeous,” Mercedes says giving the baby a kiss on the cheek. 

Kurt, Blaine and Rachel look on, amused and Jesse nudges them.

“I hate to ruin the moment, but what are we going to tell the kid when she gets older and wonders why she looks so much like her “aunt”,” Jesse asks quietly. 

“Well, obviously we’ll tell her the truth, which we were going to do anyway. But we’re clearly going to end up doing it sooner, because I don’t think any of us expected the Berry/Anderson genes to run so strong,” Kurt says.

“Oh save it, did you guys really buy that mixing the sperm bullshit?” Santana asks as Mercedes hands Harper over.

“Could you not use that kind of language?” Blaine asks.

“Calm down bowties, she’s literally a week old, I don’t think she even fully understands words. And if you don’t do something about the tracing paper walls in this place, she’s gonna hear worse coming from your bedroom as soon as you and Lady Hummel get the chance.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, but Rachel cuts in before he can say anything.

“My dDads mixed their semen together and you couldn’t tell who my dDad was.”

Santana snorts, “That’s because you’re a clone of your Mom.”

“The first time I saw you, I knew your were Shelby’s child and that’s even before you started singing,” Jesse says.

“Look, none of that matters. Paternity does not matter, I’m adopted and my Mom says I have my Dad’s personality, not because of genes, but because I picked it up from him,” Tina says.

“It’s a classic case of nature versus nurture. Sure, she may naturally pick up some of Blaine and Rachel’s personality traits, but I also bet she’ll learn how to quirk her eyebrow before she’s even crawling, and that will be from seeing Kurt do it everyday. And she’ll probably wear an ascot to her first day of school,” Artie says, wheeling over as Santana reluctantly hands the baby over. 

“Maybe the next baby, Kurt can have sex with Rachel and then the baby will be Kurt’s,” Brittany says.

“Okay, first of all, aside from one drunken night with Brody, sex with Kurt has never been on the table,” Rachel starts before chaos breaks loose.

“Um, excuse me, what drunken night with Brody? When has sex with me ever been on the table?”

“I thought Brody was straight,” Blaine says.

“That fucking hooker, I knew it!” Santana says.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about Brody ever again.” That comes from Jesse.

“No, really Rachel, how could you have moved him in and not told me that he was suggesting drunk threesomes that I was definitely not interested in, by the way.”

“You definitely weren’t interested, right?” Blaine asks self conciously.

“What, Blaine of course I wasn’t, he was disgusting.”

And with that, Harper has had enough and starts crying as Kitty reaches to take her from Ryder who is letting her suck on the strings of his hoodie.

“I swear I didn’t do it!” Ryder says. 

“No, it’s feeding time, she’s hungry.”

“Oh god, I’m not gonna have to see Rachel nursing am I, because even I have boundaries,” Santana says. 

“No, I pumped for the occasion, and we lived together Santana, you’ve seen them and if you thought they were excellent then, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

“And she won’t because those are for me and the child,”Jesse says, causing Tina to dry heave. 

Blaine grabs the bottle and starts to feed his daughter and the room comes to a hush.

“Dude, he’s looking at the baby the same way he looks at Kurt,” Sam says causing Tina to burst into tears, which only made Kurt and Rachel tear up, which then made Marley cry and soon the only one the room not overcome with emotion was the happily full baby in Blaine’s arms.


End file.
